


Is this a nightmare or real life?

by Pendule



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adult Peter Parker, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, No Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, No Spoilers, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 19:43:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18611221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pendule/pseuds/Pendule
Summary: Wade has nightmares about the snap that are, in fact, flashbacks, Peter cheers him up.Full of angst and mainly focused on Wade’s feelings.





	Is this a nightmare or real life?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is set right after Endgame but I wrote it after Infinity War's release so there's no spoiler of the movie.  
> Also, this is mainly angst but there's a "happy ending", yeah I had tears left to cry.  
> Sorry if there's any typo, English is not my native language and this is an old work.  
> Hope you enjoy it ♥!
> 
> PS: Peter is over the age of majority here, it takes place in the MCU but I had the Comics version of the characters in mind when I wrote it!

 

This is war. Peter isn’t on space with Tony Stark, but fighting with his friends and boyfriend in Wakanda. They’re all here, the Avengers, the Guardians, the Wakandan and Wade Wilson, the infamous mercenary.

 

This is not totally like in the movie, because he is over the age of majority here, but one thing doesn’t change, Peter still go up in smoke, well, more like ashes. And Wade, Wade is just right here, holding his boyfriend that don’t feel so good. And then he blinks, oh stupid, and there’s nothing, no one, in his arms anymore.

 

He can just hear the voices screaming in his head, the pain that is consuming his heart. He can feel things rolling down his cheeks, and he just don’t know if that’s tears, sweat, blood or rain. He don’t know if he is really physically injured or if it’s just his head that’s spinning. He don’t know anything anymore, or one thing, that Peter is gone. He can only feel the pain in his chest, that heavy weight of the realisation of his loss.

 

He realises that he is screaming. He doesn’t know for how long he have been, and he frankly doesn’t care.

 

Everything around him is black, or maybe it’s just because his eyes are closed. He chuckles, but there’s nothing funny. He inhales deeply and opens his eyes, he blinks. He is surrounded by ashes, sat in it, he can feel it on his fingers, under his nails, flying in his eyes. And then he sees it, an hallucination.

 

Peter’s body, and what it would had looked like if he had been “physically” killed, his wide eyes, pale face and scruffy hair. And he genuinely don’t know if he would prefer that or the ashes, because at least with that he would have something to hold onto.

 

He screams. Now he can hear it, his own scream. It sounds horrible. He steps back, he still is on the ground, but he get up. He starts to feel the panic invading him. He can feel the dirty ground under his hands and the bodies he bumps into, but he doesn’t really care.

 

He finally find the strength to get up, and he keeps running away from this, from the ashes. He turns around and starts to walk quickly. He doesn’t walk a long time though, because now he is running. He is running so fast, as he never did. He doesn’t know where, why, but that suddenly feels like the only thing he knows how to do.

 

He runs until he feels his lungs burning, and not because of the air. Until he doesn’t have any saliva in his throat anymore, until his legs can’t stand his weight anymore and they make him fall, until he collapses on the ground and puke. He can’t do anything but accept to finally sink into the limbo of his mind.

 

He would usually call this “sleep”, but that is everything except relaxing. He just feels his eyelids closing against his will, he feels the shadows catching him, swallowing him, until there’s nothing else but void and silence. Maybe that’s what death looks like, he thinks, but then he remembers that she actually looks like ashes.

 

He probably cries while -once and for all- letting himself falling into the arms of Morpheus.

Alone.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He hears his name in the distance. Again and again, closer each time, and then it’s so close that he can’t do anything but open his eyes. He meet two worried brown orbs. 'Wade...' He looks around and notices that his hands are tightly holding the boy’s t-shirt. 'Wade, are you with me?' 'Peter..' he answers, breathless. He can feel the concern in the other’ voice. 'I’m here babe, I’m here', Peter’s hands are gently fondling his head. Peter pulls his forehead on Wade’s, locking his gaze on Wade’s eyes. He puts a hand on the other one face, making it brush pasting his cheekbone and stopping on the verge of the jaw, his thumb slowly brushing along the bone. It seems to soothe the man under him who recovers his breath slowly. Peter allows himself to close his eyes. He knows what happened, how Wade must be feeling.

 

And he knows how to act because it happens almost every nights since his return, which happened 5 months ago. After a few seconds, Wade pulls him into a hug that Peter frankly accepts.

 

Even if that had been Peter who had died and disappeared during the snap, it had been Wade that had suffered the most. At least Peter had been with the others “dead”, but Wade had been alone. And every nights, or almost, the latter had nightmares about it, reliving the moment again, again and again.

 

Peter swallowed, he was breathing in Wade’s neck and didn’t want to move, but he really did not wanted to let Wade fall asleep again, not after such a “dream”. He lifted his head up, now in front of the other man's face. 'Hey Sleeping Beauty'Wade chuckled but did not open his eyes 'Well, it seems like I have to kiss the princess to wake her up…' he murmured in his ear playfully.

He leaned over to kiss the man under him who immediately responded to it, moving his hands along Peter’s body. They finally broke away and Peter got up, offering his hand to help his boyfriend to do the same.

 

The latter grabbed the hand and kissed the back of it, then he released it and stood up by himself. 'It’s 2023 baby boy, Princess don’t need Princes’ help anymore, grow up' saidWade.

 

Peter raised his eyebrows as if he was offended but then softly smiled, watching his boyfriend stick his tongue out to him. Once he had been assured that Wade was calm enough from his -too real- nightmare to let him alone, he went to the kitchen. He pulled Wade’s favourite mug out of a cupboard and decided to do some hot chocolate, it always helped both of them to relax, and he knew that Wade needed it.

 

Waiting for the drink to be ready, he sighed, the reunion with Wade and the whole world hadn’t been hard in itself, but the “reconstruction” after had been- and still was- hard. Fear was still present but they were working it out.

 

Peter took both mugs in his hands and brought them back to the room, setting them on the coffee table in front of the couch where Wade had sat. He grabbed the zapper lying there, switching the TV on. He handed it to Wade, leaving the choice of the TV show to his boyfriend. He turned his head to the right, letting his eyes wander through the window.

 

The sky was dark and full of stars. At least the snap had had the advantage of reducing the effect of light pollution and other ecological aspects. His left arm slowly made its way around Wade’s waist, pulling him close. These days were rough and tougher than ever, but he knew that he -they- would go over it. He had to do it. For Wade, and for the fallen that had made his return possible. They had saved his life at the cost of theirs, and he would never forget that.

He owed them that.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I know we all need support after Endgame and this is stupid of me to post this now, but I feel like that's now or never, if I wait this will be too late.  
> Anyway, please leave some kudos and comments, it always makes me so happy!!


End file.
